Monday, September 29, 2008

Back From Holiday Blues

I knew going into my trip that I would come back and be down for awhile. What I didn't plan on was me getting strep throat, and ending a year relationship that wasn't really a relationship to begin with but is over. It's an odd feeling to know that something is right, but hurts so bad at the same time. The past week is a blur. I'm sure it is combined with the fact that I was on Darvocet. A pain killer that caused my head to swirl and my dreams to involve Turkish dancers with donkey blankets.
Yeah...I know how crazy that sounds.
I think I'm going to have a black fall. I had a black summer once. It wasn't fun, but that is just the way life happens sometimes. I need to get ready for my lack of desire to go home. The idea of not working on Saturday and Sunday feels like a death sentence and I look at the TV Guide prayer there will be something to watch. Today my wish is that my head would stop splitting in half. The left side of my head is pounding and running down my neck. I have been popping pills since Sunday in hopes that it would stop, but you can't stop a stressed induced emotional crying headache. It stays.

Here are some pictures of my trip that seems so far away at the moment. I look back and the pictures and I see myself as someone that had no clue my life was about to unravel in a couple of weeks. I was with my girlfriends and happy.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

I'm Going To Post This If It Kills Me

It’s very frustrating to not be able to write and be read. I can’t log on to the internet at home anymore and that is when I do my “to myself” thinking. I have been texting my friend Angela from college tonight about our up and coming trip. I am beside myself on my feelings. There are 4 of us going a week early and hanging out in Italy. The rest of the girls are meeting us in Venice for the cruise to Greece, Turkey, and Croatia. I figured if I’m going to pay the money to fly there, I might as well make my flight worth it. Lost track of my point. My point is that I can’t log on to the internet so I can’t even email this to me. I am writing this on my personal laptop and have to figure out how I can get it to my work computer and post it on my blog without using company property. Blaaaaaaaaaah.

I’m getting into the spirit of Italy tonight by making homemade pizza, drinking merlot, and….iboughtfourpairofshoesonmywayhomefromworktonight. I figured if I wrote it fast it doesn’t mean it really happened. But OH ARE THEY CUTE. I got a pair of brown sandals, red pumps, tan pumps, and brown sport tennis. I justified the brown sandals as they would go with my dress I brought to wear in Greece. The red pumps because I can’t wear white after labor day. The tan pumps…ditto. No white after labor day. And the brown sport tennis were a part of the buy one get one half off. I was odd numbered.

The girls I’m going with I LOVE. They are the type of girls/friends/sisters that I will always be friends with. I hate the fact that I live in Texas when it comes to the G Phi B’s. I know without a doubt I am missing out on so much. But the fact that I don’t live there, don’t live with them (some of them are roommies) and don’t talk to them doesn’t make a difference. When we get together….it is so much fun. The last trip I went on with them was to Las Vegas for New Years 2007. It was so much fun! I’m pretty sure I have a post on MySpace about it somewhere.

But tonight it is just me, my pizza, wine, and this. Man that sounds sad. I would normally add my cat Ashe but only makes it worse. Really I would be hanging out with my friend Mark, but he has Jury Duty and needs a good nights rest. Whatever that is suppose to mean.

Have I mention how much I am getting tired of people telling me the following:

"you are going to have so much fun on your trip! That is so cool that you are single, and no kids. You can do whatever you want. You don't have to worry about anyone waiting for you, or depending on you. Oh! to be single and free."

I'm not sure how to take that anymore. At first I took it as a positive thing. After about the 13th time I'm taking it as a reminder that no one will care that I'm gone.

I WAS ABLE TO LOG ON! Take that internet gnomes. BooYah!