How to Save $$ for the Holidays, My Style

Here is a simple guide on how to spend an evening in Dallas and barely pay for anything.*

*this might not work for you the first couple of times 100% like shown below. my friend Karen and i have been practicing this act for almost 2 years now.

Step 1: Pick the night of the year that has the sleeting and such bad ice that no one else is out. Oh' and be prepared to freeze.

Step 2: Make sure that your dollar bills don't work as well in a parking machine so that when you try to pay, the man behind you gets frustrated and says he will just put it on his card. Thank him and scurry off into the cold.

(this is the part where you start to freeze...walk carefully and lose feelings in your hands. Its ok, you get the feeling back)

Step 3: Do go to dinner...but don't order alcohol. I know, it may seem a little "odd" to some that it is an option. But just do it...trust me. It will work itself out later.

Step 4: Pay bill and venture back out into the North Pole to walk again to another venue. Now when you get the box office, make sure you get in the wrong line. You know the one. The line that doesn't move.

(you start freezing again)

Step 5: Once you get to the front of the line, make sure that when your friend from the band you are seeing said that they you put you on the list, that he really didn't. This will create tension for the other people behind you in line as well as let the rest of your legs go completely numb. Now...as the lady all toasty in the box office searches for your name slowly...take advantage of this moment and have one of you call your friend in Vegas to pull the, "dude! i thought we were on the list??"

Step 6: Excuse yourself from the line as phone calls are made. This will allow the people behind you to pay for their tickets.

(you now are waiting for the other manager that is in town to come down to the box office to fix things. this is when you stop chatting and just zone off. you are a frozen block of human flesh)

Step 7: Remember that you should check back at the box office and bump into eachother to allow movement. Make sure you go to the same lady so she can KNOW that you weren't trying to pull one over on her. Get you 4 free tickets for all 2 of you and go inside.

Step 8: You are now thawing off at your table and the watier has approached you. Smile, it's forced, but smile. Throw out a "Heeeeeey" and make some joke about how you would kill for a shot! and be sure to mention how "ugggggggh cold" you are. This will build your relationship with watier very quickly.

Step 9: Now when the watier comes back with your water to get your real order, be sure to ask right away, "what he likes best". This will make him have to talk to you and also think about what drink he is about to suggest. Let's face it..he recommends it and you don't like it...he buys it. Both of you order a seperate drink of the ones he suggested.

::this list isn't so simple anymore, oh well...i'm still going::

Step 10: When you get your drinks, take one drink and then switch. He will notice the change and wonder if he gave you the wrong ones. You joke that he did, then tell him no (laugh and touch his arm) and tell him you just switched drinks. This is also your time to ask if one of his other tables opens closer to the stage if he will move you guys. You want to be close to the show...but keep him as your waiter.

(you are moved to a new/closer table in 5 mins)

Step 11: Now this is were it gets fun. You ask the watier if he wants to play a game. This will peak his interest as well as take his mind off of working. It can be any game. Guess which artist we are here to see, guess my age (good one), guess if that couple across the aisle are "just friends" or banging. You know...games. And there has to be a prize. But let HIM pick the prize. Don't suggest anything...let him.

Step 12: Keep this up through out the night. You will soon find that when he has down town it is your table that he is coming to and sitting down to have his break. You know you are doing good when he starts coming up with his own games for you to play and drinks start appearing when you don't order them.

Step 13: The final step is to ask what his work schduele is on a regular basis b/c you would like to come back in again some time and would love to have him as your server. After he tells you, say you are ready for your tab.

Now if you followed all the steps and when you did detour, get back on track you should get the best response that Karen and I love to hear:

"ah..don't worry about it. You guys made my night more enjoyable. Thank You! Its on me"

Total for the whole night $9.04 I spend at dinner.