Tuesday, December 23, 2014

I've Tried So Many Times

I can't even count how many times started to write a blog entry and something happen that I need to stop.  Even as I type this I am keeping my eye on my little guy.  With every move he makes I pause.  Is he awake? Should I turn the vibrate off on his bassinet?  And then there are the other thoughts.  I should be making myself breakfast.  Did I fold the laundry last night? I should start another load.  What happen to his My First Christmas shirt? I need to pack that. 

Those are all the things that happen every time I try to post a entry.  But I'm bound and determined to post this morning.  Mainly because I want to make sure I have these pictures for the printed copy of this blog once it's time. 

Dexter is now a month old! Wow that really did go by quickly.  A month is a month, but prior to having a child you have nothing to gauge time with.  It's funny to me how as a child myself everything was measured in school and holidays.  My mental year was broken up into segments that I can still visually see in my head.  It's way to hard to explain in words.  I would have to draw a picture.  My point is that I all of a sudden feel that my life is back to that segments.  My life is measured in Dexter's milestones and I love that feeling. 

It's really hard to take care of a baby. 

Isn't that a loaded sentence!  How many of you laughed at that?!  I can't imagine doing this alone or having multiples.  I would be lying if I said I haven't lost it a couple of times late at night when Dexter just wants to hang out and stare at the fan.  Or the 2 times that he screamed for hours because it was cool.  Loved those nights.  Preston has been so awesome in helping with everything.  I'm hesitate to type that sentence using the words "helping".  Is it really "helping" when it's your own child?  I don't think so.  But it's difficult when I'm the only person that can provide him food.  It creates a weird dynamic.  We have had a couple of conversations about the roles of a Mother and a Father since having Dex.  It doesn't matter who you are, those positions are naturally placed for you and you must communicate together to get them working peacefully.  I can see how I could feel alone and I can see how a father can feel isolated.  I have gotten off subject here in "deep thoughts" of my personal feelings.  However, my point is that I owe so much to everything Preston has done this past month.  I don't think I will ever be able to really explain that feeling or the look he gives me when taking Dexter out of my arms and telling me to go lay down.  That he will walk around with him at 3am.  All of this is topped off with him having to go to woke the next morning and me not.    

I have taken so many pictures.  I have had to clean up my phone twice now.  I need to work on not taking a picture of EVERYTHING he does.  But he is so cute sleeping, breathing, looking, just living.  Cuteness.

Christmas is in 2 days!  It will be a busy and quick one seeing family, but exciting for everyone.  I know I shouldn't look to the future, but I'm really excited about next year when he is older for the holidays. 
This will probably be the last entry of 2014.  Thank you to everyone that has stopped by and looked into my life.  2014 has been a wonderful year and I'm looking forward to 2015!
Merry Christmas! 

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