Envy

In my 10's I was a basketball player. I didn't mind or question spending from 1:30pm to 5:00pm in a gym Monday - Friday runing back and forth doing plays. The last hour was usually either conditioning drills or weights. I seemed to have no problem running a court suicide in under 30 secs over and over again. The idea of having to sit on a wall in the squat position while my thighs shook and burned for 5mins just seems like something one does. I never questioned any of it or skipped out.

In my 20's I found running. It was no big deal for me to wake up after a night of going out in college and run 3 miles around Stillwater. That moved into 10k, and 15k's, by the time I was 25. It was so easy to come home from work, change clothes, grab a Power Bar and head to my apartment gym to run a minium of 5 miles while I watch an episode of Friends reruns. I wasn't even dead afterwards. I usually would shower and then meet friends out for dinner or drinks. I even remeber one time running from my apartment in Lakewood on Abrams to my friends apartment on Peak/Live Oak. Seriously???

So, now in my 30's I have come to the conclusion that I'm an eliptical person. After all those years of running and falling on the hard basketball court, combinded with the miles and miles I put on my body of running in my 20's my left knee is done. It has taken it's little knee size white flag, tied it around the 2 screws that live in that knee and started waving. The last race I did was in December, it was 5 miles and I have never felt more pain in my left knee in my life! Even after I ripped my ACL in half. I pushed on through and tried not to complain...but it HURT. It aches when it's cold and if I have it bendt to long it pops and snaps when I unbend it. Nothing's wrong with it, it is fine. It's just old and has been repaired...13 years ago. It's not perfect.

I now envy myself and everything I didn't appreciate. I wish I had worn my bathing suit more in my 20's instead of hiding behind a tanktop and skirt on the edge of the boat. I wish I would have bought the sundress that was so cute on the hanger but I felt like my arms looked flabby. So silly now that I look back.

Instead, I will put on my white tennis shoes and proudfully step on the eliptical next to the 23 year tiny thing that is on mile 6 and chatting on her phone not even out of breath. I will rock my power walk and start looking into yoga. My goals now are to just stay toned and do cardio at least 3 times a week for at least 30 mins. That's all I ask of myself...but it is still so hard.

Especially with St. Patricks day coming up. Hellllllo Greenville Ave!